“Average,” when you stop to think of it, is a funny concept. Although it describes all of us, it really describes none of us.
Hardly any of us would consider ourselves average. But while none of us wants to be the average American, we all want to know about him, or her. Averages define the national character; etch the routines of everyday life. They give us benchmarks to measure ourselves against.
What is the average age in the U.S. today? How much time do you spend daydreaming in a typical day? Do you ever wonder how many pounds of food does a person in the U.S. eat in a normal lifetime? Or how many hours does the average teenager spend watching television?
Ever ponder this question: what was the median lifespan of a caveman? Would you believe that a caveman averaged only 19 years?
Throw a bunch of numbers together and divide by how many there are, and you have an average. But some people find most averages dull and could not be bothered reading a column about them.
Back in the early 1980s, I got an idea to write a column that would provide the answers to these humorous and occasionally provocative questions?
Apparently, one of the young editors were not enamored with the idea. The column never ran in the paper.
I gave up on the concept, and now 40 years later, I got the same notion. So let’s give it a try.
It takes the average reader about the same amount of time to read the daily newspaper as it does to use the toilet.
What about the number of Americans with severe back problems? Try one out of every four. In fact, Americans spend an average of $5 billion annually diagnosing and treating back problems.
People dream an average of five times a night, and the dreams keep getting longer. The first dream is about 10 minutes long and the last one is about 45. Women dream more than men and children dream more than adults; more people dream in black-and-white than in color.
An estimated 40 percent of all statistics are made up.
But more than half of the people bitten by poisonous snakes in the U.S. are never treated and still survive.
The average heart beats 100,000 times every 24 hours. Weighing in at 11 ounces, the average heart pumps four liters per minute.
The mean number of people dying from choking on food each year is greater than the average number of people killed by guns, airplane accidents, snakebites, or electrical shocks.
The human tongue contains an average of 9,000 taste buds. One brow wrinkle is the result of 200,000 frowns.
One out of every five American men and one out of every four American women are at least 10 percent overweight.
The average number of teenagers suffering from acne is 9 out of every 10.
Ancient Egyptians lived an average of 29 years.
And the typical person flexes his or her finger joints 25 million times during a lifetime.
The standard American man is 5 feet, 9 inches tall the average woman, 5 feet 3.6 inches. The average person’s toes curl when he or she is sexually aroused. The average American is sick in bed seven days a year, missing five days of work.
The average American high-school graduate recognizes about 15,000 words when reading or listening; the college graduate recognizes about 30,000.
The average American man washes his hair more often than the average woman does.
The average American nudist is 35 years old and married.
By the time he or she graduates from high school, the typical American teen has watched 350,000 commercials and 18,000 murders on television.
During an average day, 24 mailmen receive animal bites.
Given a choice, four men in five would prefer to take showers rather than baths. Among women, half would rather bathe; half shower.
The average husband in America is just a shade over 45 years old, and the average wife is just shy of 42.
By his or her 70th birthday, the average American will have eaten 14 steers, 1,050 chickens, 3.5 lambs, and 25.2 hogs.
And finally, did you know that about half the people in America are below average?
Not you, not us, but them.
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Top o’ the morning!