I’ve been blessed with having worked for some of the best bosses on earth.
I once asked a publisher I worked for what was the secret to running a successful newspaper. He replied, “I just try to find what everyone does well and then find a way that they can do it.”
That sounds like sage advice for any corporate administrator. But it’s amazing how many top executives don’t know the fundamentals of managing people.
The first rule of any executive worth his salt should be: “Stay out of the way and let your key people do what they do well.”
The second rule: “Keep your key people happy.”
There, enough said.
For anyone who has ever had an evaluation on the job—just remember—it could have been worse.
Here are some actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations:
“Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.”
“I would not allow this employee to breed.”
“Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
“He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
“This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
“This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better.”
“He would argue with a signpost.”
“He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
“When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”
“If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”
“A photographic memory but with a lens cover glued on.”
“Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”
“If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
“If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”
“It takes him two hours to watch 60 minutes.”
“The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”
“If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”
“It’s hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”
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Here are some classic quotes from some of America’s best minds:
If you would like to know the value of money, go try to borrow some—Ben Franklin.
I have dieted continuously for the last two decades and lost a total of seven hundred fifty-eight pounds. But all calculations I should be hanging from a charm bracelet—Erma Bombeck.
I don’t want any yes men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs—Samuel Goldwyn.
Be kind to unkind people; they need it the most—anonymous.
The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances—Martha Washington.
If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars—Rabindranath Tagore.
The indispensable first step in getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want—Ben Stein.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done—Dwight. D. Eisenhower.
If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies—Joan Stapleton.
When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves—Anthony D’Angelo.
Life is about chasing after the things you truly believe are worth it, even if they don’t happen. I’d rather have nothing but know I didn’t settle for something I didn’t want—Salma Hayek.
People will tolerate honest mistakes, but if you violate their trust, you will find it extremely difficult to ever regain their confidence—Craig Weather.
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Top o’ the morning!
