Lustful, lecherous, lascivious, and lewd, “Slick Willie” rides again. And he wants your donations.
That’s right. The burning, hot-blooded Bill Clinton may have been goatish and ruttish in the White House, but he still packs the house with his magnetic celebrity. Especially, when it comes to fund-raising.
Like the fabled Phoenix of Greek Mythology, Bill seemingly has arisen from his ashes once again to return to the world stage—of course with wife Hillary in tow—with a heartfelt plea for the Clinton International Foundation.
And why not?
The nefarious couple has collected millions for their past schemes, including one quest for aid to help homeless Haitians, victims of an epic earthquake little more than a decade ago.
Did the Clintons come through with promises to construct housing for displaced Haitians? Well yes, if you call a public housing project a single, white framed house with a chain-link fence around it.
And how dare you ask where all the money went?
Eventually we were told that some of the contributions helped fund Chelsea’s lavish wedding, which turned out to be quite a party-political rally for the wealthy elite donors in attendance.
Perhaps the Clintons might have financed some new digs of their own with the Haitian assistances, funding immoderate mansions for their intemperate and extravagant lifestyle.
And then there were the former first-lady’s unsuccessful bids to garner the U.S. presidency. Her challenges failed, thank Heaven, but her campaign costs, undoubtedly, were astronomical.
Enough for that.
Blessed by luck and cursed by lust, William Jefferson Clinton has nonetheless been highly effective.
Yet, to adequately measure the Clinton presidency, we first must recognize gluttony, lust, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride.
These seven deadly sins were enumerated by St. Gregory and popularized by the Italian poet Dante in the Divine Comedy.
Even the Italian poet’s trilogy isn’t quite up to the task of explaining Clinton’s behavior while ensconced in the Oval Office.
U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced in a 1976 interview: “Anyone who looks on a woman with lust in his heart (has) already committed adultery…I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times…”
Some 22 years later, in 1998, then-president Bill Clinton saw things from a different perspective when he responded in a deposition about his months-long relationship with an intoxicatingly luscious Monica Lewinsky, who performed oral sex on Wild Bill in the Oval Office, according to FBI informants, probably out of jealousy or just plain spite.
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” Clinton maintained on national TV.
According to several modern legal dictionaries, the law generally defines adultery as sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than their lawful spouse.
Slick Willie’s defense allegedly rested on his query, “…that depends on what your definition of the word ‘sex’ is?”
Yet no one questions Clinton’s private behavior as he waxes eloquent in his return to the public arena to ask for donations to the Clinton Foundation, all apparently to “make the world a better place.”
Though ostensibly diminished slightly in his masculine demeanor by both time and Hillary, Slick Willie still clings to his old verve and vigor.
Writer Calvin Trillin once penned a short poem called “A Democratic Delegate’s Cheer for William Jefferson Clinton.”
It goes something like this:
“Whose public speeches still distill the issues with amazing skill, who, never sounding mean or shrill, can show what’s led us straight downhill? It’s Bill.
“Who could with oratory thrill a crowd in China or Seville and mesmerize a whippoorwill with talk of dreams we must fulfill? Our Bill.
“Who easily can talk until the morning sun comes o’er the hill on arms control or on the pill or urban issues in Brazil? That’s Bill.
“Who couldn’t summon up the will to kill the lusts that served him ill, who, left to his devices still, scarfs every burger on the grill? Bill.”
Top o’ the morning!