“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.”
Religion holds the solution to all problems of human relationships, whether they are between parents and children or nation and nation.
Sooner or later, man has always had to decide whether he worships his own power or the power of God.
When threats force him to look at the limitations of his human power, he’s often ready to seek his spiritual one.
What we need is patience and awe of God’s plan in human history—Arnold Toynbee.
Reminds me of a story.
A group of scientists got together and decided that humans had come a long way and no longer needed God.
So, they picked one of the scientists to go and tell God.
He said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We can now clone people; we can walk on the moon—we can do everything.”
God listened patiently, and after the scientist made his point, said, “I understand what you are saying, but before you dismiss me from your life, let’s test your theory.”
“Okay, great,” the man replied. “What is the experiment?”
“We’re going to create a man from the dust of the earth, just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”
The scientist said, “Sure, no problem,” and bent down to grab a handful of dirt.
“No, no, no,” said the Lord. “You go get your own dirt.”
—
A young man was talking to God. “How long is a million years to You?” the young man asked.
“A million years to me is like a second to you,” God replied.
“How much is a million dollars to You?” the young man asked.
“A million dollars to Me is like a penny to you,” God replied.
“In that case,” the young man ventured, “could I have one of Your pennies?”
“Certainly, My son,” God replied. “Just a second.”
—
In his search for a bird’s nest, a man fell over a cliff, but saved himself by clinging to a branch. Not knowing how to get back up, he heard a voice that said, “I can help you. I am the Lord. Do you believe I can help you?”
The man answered, “Of course, I trust You completely.”
“Then,” said the Lord, “let go and I will take care of you.”
Silence.
“Well, what do you say?” the Lord asked.
“I say,” the man answered, “is there anybody else up there?”
—
I was attending a Sunday sermon recently.
“Prepare to meet your Maker. Every single member of this congregation is going to die,” thundered the minister to the people in front of him.
“What’s so funny?” he asked a man who seemed to enjoy his stern words.
“I’m not a member of this congregation,” the man answered.
—
After the service, the minister said to a woman, “I noticed that your husband walked out during the sermon. Did I say something he didn’t like?”
“No,” she replied, “but he does have a bad habit of sleepwalking.”
—
The sermon was endless. Getting to another point, the minister said, “What else can I say?”
A member of the congregation yelled out, “Amen!”
“Your sermon was simply superb,” gushed a woman at the church door. Then added, “I hope it will be printed.”
The minister added, “Thank you. I’ll have it printed posthumously.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful,” she went on, “and the sooner the better.”
—
A minister asked the chairman of the flower committee what was done with the Sunday flowers.
She replied, “We give them to the people who are sick after the sermon.”
—
Now, once upon a time, not too very long ago/ A preacher preaching to his flock observed with spirit low/ That half of his congregation sat a-dozing in the pews/ A strange locale it seemed to him to take a weekly snooze.
However, a resourceful man, and always in the groove, / He bought a tape recorder, his orations to improve, / And a stimulating sermon he proceeded to record / Then played it back to find the reasons why his flock was bored.
And when his wife came in she heard a dissertation deep / And found the speaker in his chair relaxed and sound asleep.
—
Said a minister from the pulpit: “I do not mind too much when, during my sermon, some of you cast covert glances at your watches. What does upset me is when you hold your watches next to your ears to make sure they are still running.
—
A minister made his way through a blizzard one Sunday to a little church out in the range country of the West.
Only one man showed up and the minister wondered if he should go ahead with the service.
The man said: “I’m a rancher. I don’t know anything about preaching, but I do know this—if only one cow shows up, I feed it.”
So, the preacher proceeded with a full service and sermon.
Afterward, his single attendee voiced a further opinion, “I don’t know anything about preaching, but I do know this—if only one cow shows up, I don’t dump the whole load.”
—
“How do you know what to say?” a little boy asked his father who was working on a sermon.
“God tells me,” the clergyman replied.
“Then why do you keep crossing things out?”
—
Top o’ the morning!
