Do you or your family members begin birthday celebrations with traditions like buttering noses, giving birthday spankings, or putting the birthday celebrants under the bed?
Well, my family does.
Even if you are at the beach or at a swanky restaurant, if it’s your birthday, look out.
Someone is loaded for bear, or shall we say, butter.
Old habits die hard when it comes to birthdays around our house.
Butter on the nose—one family member will surprise the birthday boy or girl with a dab of the dairy product on the birthday person’s nose. A shiny nose on your birthday is supposed to bring you good luck and the promise of good fortune, helping you slide through until next year.
Spankings—a recipient is given a lick for each year of their age, plus one to grow on.
Under the bed—a youngster is taken by the older kids or adults and put under the bed while everyone sits on the edge with their feet on the floor to make sure he/she doesn’t get out until the perpetrators sing a few bars of “Happy Birthday.”
Blow out candles—most families use candles to represent a person’s age.
The guest of honor will make a wish and blow out the candles. If all the candles go out with one blow, it is believed the wish will come true.
Happy Birthday song—everyone sings “Happy Birthday,” a long standing tradition. The song was written by two American sisters in 1893 and has been translated into countless languages.
A word of caution is in order, however, when it comes to birthday shenanigans. Be careful while putting granddad or grandma under the bed.
The elders do not take kindly to the idea of horseplay on their birthday. Or the bed might fall and injure the family patriarch or matriarch, which could result in the loss of gravy and biscuits, cornbread and pinto beans, or even freshly-cut kindling for the kitchen cookstove.
Or worse yet, when your birthday rolls around, you might get a birthday card containing none of the customary currency. We know who controls the purse strings in most clans.
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Here are some legendary lines about birthdays…
Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
A true friend remembers your birthday but not your age.
I’ll never make the mistake of being 70 again—Casey Stengel once quipped during a Yankee birthday celebration.
Start every birthday with a smile and get it over with—W.C. Fields is believed to have said, after his “anyone who hates dogs and children can’t be all bad.”
I intend to live forever—so far, so good—Stephen Wright is credited to have said, whoever he was?
Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere—George Burns is believed to have said at a late-life birthday function just before someone asked the comedian what his doctor thought of his relatively advanced age. “I don’t have a doctor,” he mused. “He died.”
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Meanwhile, artificial intelligence (AI) is a wonderful thing.
I told my computer that today is my birthday,
And it told me that “I needed an upgrade.”
What did the elephant wish for on his birthday? “A trunk full of gifts,” of course.
Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, “A bottle of wine?” They replied, “No.”
Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. “A bottle of scotch?”
Again, they replied, “No”.
The boss said, “I give up. What is it?”
His workers responded: “A puppy.”
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What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays.
What’s the worst kind of cake?
A stomach ache.
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You know you are getting old when…
You find yourself telling people how much a loaf of bread used to cost.
The pharmacist becomes your new best friend.
You are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who the lovely young lady is that walks into the room.
You sink your teeth into a nice juice steak and they stay there.
Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
You look for your glasses for an hour and then find out you’ve had them on all the time.
Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
The twinkle in your eye turns out to be the reflection of the sun of your bifocals.
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Top o’ the morning!