I like to read the messages on the church marquee signs when I’m traveling about.
Some of the more “sophisticated” churches might consider this kind of outreach too gimmicky, but I think these bits of truth can have a positive effect on anyone, regardless of his religious preference.
Here are some examples of the messages which have appeared on some of those church signs:
• Soul food served here.
• Life has many choices, but Eternity has only two. What’s yours?
• Wal-Mart isn’t the only saving place!
• A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.
• The wage of sin is death. Repent before payday.
• Free trip to heaven. Details inside.
• Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.
• Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here.
• People are like tea bags—you must put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.
• Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush.
• When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right.
• Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.
• How will you spend eternity—Smoking or nonsmoking?
• Dusty Bibles leads to Dirty Lives.
• Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long, and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
• If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.
• Never give the devil a ride. He’ll always want to drive.
• Satan subtracts and divides. God adds and multiplies.
• If you don’t want to reap the fruits of sin, stay out of the Devil’s orchard.
• God answers Knee Mail.
• Try Jesus. If you don’t like Him, the devil will always take you back.
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Here are some examples of real, but imperfect, English found around the world:
• Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. —Zoo, India.
• Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help. —Poster, USA.
• Open seven days a week and weekends too. —Restaurant, India.
• Do not activate with wet hands. —Automatic hand dryer in public lavatory, USA.
• The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time, we regret that you will be unbearable. —Hotel Lobby in Romania.
• No children allowed without permission. —Maternity ward, India.
• Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves. —Cemetery, India.
• Our food leaves you nothing to hope for. —Restaurant menu, Germany.
• It is forbidden to enter a woman, even a foreigner, if dressed as a man. —Temple, India.
• Please do not bring solicitors or other similar women into your room. —Temple, India.
• This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, large crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy it. —Hotel brochure, India.
• You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid at any hour. She’s always happy to help in any way. —Hotel bedroom, India.
• The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the maid. —Hotel, India.
• It is strictly forbidden on our Black Forest Camping Site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for this purpose. —Black Forest, Germany.
• For your convenient, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service. —Supermarket, India.
• A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers. —Newspaper, India.
• Because of the impropriety of having guests of the opposite sex in the bed, it is suggested that the lobby be used. —Hotel, Berlin.
• Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. —Laundry, India.
• Dentist’s advertisement, India: Teeth filled and extracted by the latest Methodists.
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Top o’ the morning!