Cow tipping might never make it as an Olympic sport.
But don’t tell that to the scholarly college students and rambunctious teen-agers who allegedly practiced the maneuvers in the midnight pastures.
For those of you who might have been in a coma for the past 25 years, here is a brief scenario: cow tipping is the act of sneaking up on a sleeping cow and throwing your weight against its flank— causing it to tip over rather abruptly.
And the risks appear to be minimal.
Well, you might get mauled by a bull, shot by a farmer, or catch pneumonia. You can’t get much else except for the feeble satisfaction achieved only by those who successfully exploit the vulnerabilities of animals.
But what ecstasy in the barnyard at night!
I was told that cow tipping once was a popular pastime at Concord College (especially among those who are at a loss for something to do between exams and research papers).
“The best way to get ultimate satisfaction is to make a night of it with a bunch of your buddies,” explicated a Pineville junior. “First you get boozed-up and then go cow-tipping. It’s an event that brings people closer together…”
People and bovines, too, no doubt.
At any rate, cow tipping was considered a classic rural American pastime that involved clandestinely sneaking up on a sleeping cow and slamming your weight into it until it tipped over and fell.
This was particularly funny to some people since cows were injured occasionally when they fell over.
If that isn’t enough of a deterrent, it’s also a felony in most states these days.
As a result, cow tipping web sites are still popular around the globe. Now, thanks to various digital internet sites, you can safely smack and tackle a wire-frame cow reconstruction, from your home without risk of being apprehended by the fuzz.
You not only tip these happy heifers, but you can even try flipping them around and spinning them on their heads—in virtual reality, of course. All you need is a computer plug-in to play.
But I digress.
Let’s get back to the actual farm fields at night.
Some believe cow tipping is a lot of just plain bunk.
Their contention is that it is highly unlikely that a drunken group of high school or college students could simultaneously sneak up on a sleep-standing bovine and gather enough momentum to knock the animal over on its haunches.
“Cow tipping—that is pushing over a sleeping cow—has happened somewhere, no doubt; but cow tipping is usually just a bunch of hooey to beguile urban kids,” writes one cow-tipping critic on the Web.
In other words, most folks remain skeptical on the issue of cow tipping, period.
“It’s believed true, but not conclusively proven,” says a local livestock expert and cowhand.
“Most people who work with cattle are pretty dubious,” explains David Richmond, WVU extension agent for Raleigh and Summers counties. “On the other hand, some reasonably credible people have reported they’ve done it themselves. But are we talking about a full-grown 1,500-pound beast, or a few-month-old 500-pounder?”
He adds, scratching his head, “I find it hard to imagine shoving over a full-grown bovine, even if it’s not paying close attention. I don’t think you are going to find it easy to walk up to a standing cow and have it remain asleep. They’re more alert than they look.”
Another farm enthusiast and agricultural teacher, Kevin Okes, says he’s against the tipping of live cows, since causing physical pain for amusement is evil. “I would hope that we live in a world where cows are not injured because obnoxious teenagers think it’s funny to knock a cow over.”
Besides, Okes adds with a laugh: “Cows sleep lying down.”
If you want to know what I think about cow tipping, I can sort of imagine a group of people pushing over a smallish critter, if it was surprised enough.
It would take a serious push, though.
The bottom line? Has it ever been done? Probably. Is it done regularly? No.
Is it like a snipe-hunt? Telling a gullible friend to hold a sack open in the woods while you run off and leave her/him in the dark.
I’d bet it is.
Anyway, the world is strange and wondrous.
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Top o’ the morning!