I spent a couple of days in the hospital last year.
It was nothing serious.
My doctor is a thorough examiner when it comes to his profession; he’s just trying to help me stay alive.
But when I told him I didn’t have time to be ill, he just laughed.
Then he had me admitted. Doctors can do that.
Anyway, I had a great time.
For two days, I saw just about everyone I’d ever had in class during the past 20 years. Apparently, they’d all gone to work in the medical profession: doctors, nurses, lab technicians, counselors, security guards, pharmacists, and the like.
(I once had four nurses sitting on my bed, confessing their teen-age, school-related antics of misbehavior, most of which somehow went unnoticed and unpunished back in the day.)
Naturally they were happy to see me. Not because I was a patient, but because I was a teacher in the hospital. Reason: most people think teachers aren’t even human, let alone susceptible to the millions of micro-organisms coughed up and flung intotheir faces by students. Aren’t we impervious to pain and illness, kind of like robots?
Still, I must conclude that being a patient isn’t all that bad.
People brought me nice things: really good magazines (those that cost more than $5 on the newsstand), tape players and tapes, radios, CD’s, flowers, get-well cards, playing cards, candy, newspapers, a copy of Moby Dick, an extra pair of socks (with extra treads on the bottom to prevent slipping on the floor when you get out of bed), shampoo, film (I guess some folks think I take pictures even when I’m just lying around), passes to the theater, buy-one-and-get-one-free coupons for local fast-food restaurants, and TV program schedules and calendars and baseball cards and underwear.
Yes, underwear.
Now why would a guy need underwear in the hospital?
If they don’t have any, they should not go in the first place.
After all, don’t mothers always tell you to put on clean underwear anytime you go out?
Why?
Because you might wind up in the hospital.
Anyway, I had a great time. The food was good. I don’t care what people say about hospital cuisine, the food is 10 times better than eating at school or at college.
Coffee is good.
You can get a soft drink practically anytime you want one.
So, you have a few more holes poked into your body? So what?
The truth is that patients are treated better, on average, than anyone else on the planet. Not just the VIP’s and politicians, or those who complain the most. Everyone is pampered in the hospital. Nurses do a terrific job, and I think they deserve a round of applause.
That having been said, I would also like to add that I am a keen observer and listener whenever I go to a new place.
I think you will enjoy some of the findings from medical interview records that were written by various paramedics, emergency room receptionists and (I’m afraid) even a doctor or two at major hospitals (not in Beckley, by the way, so don’t call my editors to find out which ones, OK?)
Here are the reports:
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Top of the morning!