If you don’t think the world is an odd, weird place, you might want to consider some bizarre items reported in the national newspapers recently:
A jail inmate in Columbus, Ga., arranged for his mother to smuggle in marijuana and rolling papers in a large-print Bible.
A Florida man sentenced to probation for using a tiny video camera in his shoes to peek up women’s skirts was caught using his “sneaker Cam” on women at his probation office.
A court in Stockholm ruled that a man who donated sperm for artificial insemination, (enabling a lesbian couple to have three children) must pay child support after the two women separated.
An inmate who broke out of jail in Montpelier, VT, to go on a beer run was caught when he tried to sneak back in with a 24-pack and a carton of cigarettes.
A 31-year-old Austrian snowboarder who failed to secure a sponsor for her competition last year decided to throw caution to the wind and compete in just panties and bra.
Chinese zoos announced they would give Viagra to their listless male tigers in a last-ditch effort to increase numbers of the endangered species.
A Florida man traveling 60 miles an hour on a personal watercraft died after a collision with a flying duck.
A Pennsylvania man kicked, punched and knocked down a theme park worker dressed as Cookie Monster because she wouldn’t pose for pictures with his 3-year-old daughter.
A Miami federal grand jury indicted a man on charges he hid 44 birds in his pants when he arrived on a charter flight from Havana.
A security guard in Shreveport, LA, reportedly shot and killed a man who had allegedly run from a grocery store with a dozen stolen steaks in his trousers.
A man in Lusaka, Zambia divorced his wife after he found a frog in a cup of tea she gave him.
A man in Rome said he killed his 72-year-old wife after she made him a bad cup of coffee.
A Hooters waitress tried to sue the restaurant after getting a toy Yoda in a beer selling contest instead of the Toyota car she said she was promised.
A Northern California man who used to have two pets—a pit bull and a Burmese python—discovered he suddenly had only one—a 200-pound python with a pit-bull-size bulge.
A Clearwater, FL, man confessed to stabbing and strangling his wife, because she would not stop washing her hands.
A Chicago woman walked into police headquarters and handed over a pair of testicles she said she had bitten off a man who had sexually assaulted her. Police found the man at a local hospital, where he underwent unsuccessful reattachment surgery.
The British army has paid for a few female soldiers to have breast enlargements to make them happier and improve morale, the Ministry of Defense said.
A Gastonia, NC, man who pleaded guilty to skinning and beheading a dog was sentenced to three years’ probation and ordered to read the “Lassie” books.
A 26-year-old high school graduate in Medford, OR, was charged with forging documents so he could go back to high school.
And in Rio de Janeiro, two gang members drank vials of HIV-infected blood in a stolen car, thinking it was a yogurt drink.
These are actual instructions that appeared on the labels of consumer items:
- On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
- On the bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
- On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestions: Defrost.
- On Tesco Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of the box): Do not turn upside down.
- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
- On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
- On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
- On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
- On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
- On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
Top o’ the morning!